Archive for March, 2008

surrender

anticipation is touching your belly, enchanted with tiny hiccups and kicks. it’s suffering with nausea, heartburn, bloody noses and constipation. it’s wasting hours reading lists of names. it’s crying over teevee commercials. it’s worrying and dreaming.

pregnancy is about hope. 

emmit so far has been a joint undertaking, but preparing for newbaby has led us into a different territory. as d-day approaches, josh takes over more and more (not that he wasn’t already the mayor of emmitville). our doctor said that more than one kid means moving from man-to-man to zone defense. that was almost too sporty of a reference for me, but i think i understand what she meant and it’s an odd thing to try to ready ourselves for. does it mean we notice less emmit’s every utterance and micro-expression? thinking about that feels not so great. but i’m also not willing for him to be an only child.

although i often feel guilty about the bomb that’s about to be dropped into emmit’s world, i know a sidekick is just what he needs…a robin to his batman; someone that can share the burden of josh and my bad parenting decisions; someone to create a history of inside jokes with; someone to annoy by looking at them funny; someone to be there when josh and i are gone. family.

belly-profile.jpg
jaq’s belly at 36 weeks
photo by aunt laura

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little clown

i took this with my cell phone on the drive to boy’s day care yesterday morning. he was a little upset with me for making him leave his trains at home. sadly, the fuzziness is bad, but it kind of makes it look like a painting of an old timey french clown to me.
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 from my friend sally: he’s a french clown watching his balloon blow away down the seine river as he mimes into the wind; now resting to ponder the painful existentialism of it all; the impact of his actions; the burden of his free choice. he’s not thinking about cookie monster, unless it is the impermanence of cookies. emmit kelly was a sad clown. coincidence?

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