without a definite route

17 months

on January 18, 2007

i have been keeping a journal since emmit was born; filling over a book and a half with emmit’s achievements, stories and cutenesses. each month of his life, i write less. perhaps it’s because the milestones come a little slower now, but it’s more likely that i’m just getting lazy. my plan is to add the writing of those journal entries to my regular stuff here. i have stolen from the most excellent dooce in that i generally write about emmit, but on his month birthdays, i write a letter to him. it’s a nice way to do it.

sweet boy~

you are 17 months old, full of curiosity and energy and very silly noises. i love waking up to your voice, saying “uh. oh.” as if you didn’t actually mean to wake up. or, perhaps, it’s a comment about your mama still being asleep, “uh. oh. you overslept. uh. oh. you’re going to be late for work. again. uh. oh.” of course, that’s not every morning. often, my eyes slam open with the sound of a piercing cry, as if you can’t believe the injustice of the cold and brutal waking world: one without a stick readily handy with which you can bang on things; one without your plastic car to roll around; one without brown bear for you to take bites out of and laugh at the duck (why oh why, emmit, is the duck so funny?). sometimes, in frustration, you even throw monkey onto the floor, then immediately regret your actions. those cries are the most passionate and fearful, “oh no! what have I done? monkey? can you hear me? monkey? monkey?”

 emmit & monkey

i’ve been looking back at the journals i’ve kept since you were born and the last couple months have pretty much been about sleep. it’s the obsession in our house. when did you sleep? for how long did you sleep? how many times did you wake up? how long did you cry before you fell asleep? all of those questions lead, really, to the one important question: when does mama get to sleep? it is a fact that things have gotten better this month. there was all the craziness with the holidays, but we’ve gotten back on schedule. back on The Sleep Plan. and you’ve responded so well. you’re getting 12-14 hours of sleep in a 24-hour cycle. that’s amazing. before we read the no cry sleep solution by elizabeth pantley and implemented The Sleep Plan (which includes The Bedtime Routine), we were lucky if you slept 9-10 hours a day.

but, you’re still waking up several times during the night. i don’t mind nursing you in the middle of the night. it’s quiet you are snuggly and i can smell the top of your head. your daddy is asleep next to us and I stroke your face. it’s rather lovely. but lately it seems to be getting harder. honestly? it’s kicking my ass. the word weaning has entered my mama vocabulary. now, there’s no need to panic. just like everything else, i must research and talk about it and meditate on it before doing anything. you can rest assured that you probably have another couple of months before i make a decision and actually take action.

i love watching you play. you are quite the busy guy. i like to spy on you from the back room while you play in your library. you pull all the books off the shelf, inspecting each one before it hits the floor. you put things in your shopping cart, then knock it over, then set it back up again, then pull everything out. i get tired just watching you. every once in awhile, you’ll look up to make sure that i’m still in sight. sometimes you catch my eye and we smile at each other.

i am so in love with you and your daddy together. the two of you are hilarious. nobody can make you laugh like your daddy. and it’s a throaty laugh from deep in your belly. then your daddy starts laughing and it’s all over. he likes to pretend to bite your leg while saying “mmmmmm. chicken leg. chicken leg.” it’s not funny written out, but live? it makes you howl.


you continue to love any and all music. you dance all of the time. you seem to have different dances for different kinds of music. sometimes it’s your hips, sometimes the shoulders, sometimes the head, sometimes the knees. sometimes it’s a combination of those. you’ve got the funk, for sure. you also really enjoy watching and listening to your daddy practice saxamaphone. i get nervous that your eardrums can’t handle it, but you like to be right up next to him. and you dance and smile and watch him intently. it’s freakin’ adorable.


tomorrow we have our evaluation for first steps. you seem to have a bit of a speech delay and they are going to assess how much and what we can do about it. they will also check you out for any other kinds of delays. people seem to think that i’m really concerned about you, but i feel really good about where you are. i just want to make sure that we are pro-active about any developmental issues. you have always been an observer. i don’t even remember you really crying right after birth. you settled into your daddy’s chest and just watched what was going on around you. i’m happy to let you be an observer, but i also want to take advantage of any tools and resources they can offer us. you’ve been on the verge of walking for months and you talk all of the time. can’t shut you up, in fact. you just don’t say actual words. you know, except for “mamba” and “dada” and “uh. oh.” come to think of it, what more does a guy need to say? you point at the stuff you want and there’s a new…um…what is it called? oh yeah, whine. you’ve got a new whine to really communicate your emotions to us. i think it will be fun.

i can’t believe you’re coming up on your 1/2 birthday. it doesn’t seem that long ago that you were still in my belly and your daddy and i were walking erl around the neighborhood trying to come up with names. but here you are,  such a big boy. you’re neat.

all the love,


4 responses to “17 months

  1. lmb says:

    this is beautiful.

  2. clint says:

    Relax and enjoy this time.I just finished skiing with 2/3 of the zoo. The only time they came near the snowboarding old man was when they needed money for food.

  3. lolly says:

    seriously one of the best father/son pics I’ve ever seen.

  4. Justin says:

    good lord!

    I do believe you have made the cutest baby ever!

    If I hadn’t seen the tum-tum, I would assume you grew him in a vat. like “Conrad the Factory Made Boy”

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