ramblinjaq

without a definite route

she doesn’t just want it, she desires it

on March 8, 2007

week 2 of antm. we’re headed to high school! i just want to say that i think this episode was fairly ho hum, but i enjoyed watching the j’s offer real-skills-based information rather than just standing around being orange-bitchy and man-girl-bitchy. luckily, they are just as gifted at bringing the snark as they are at bringing the learnin’.

ms. j gives them a walking lesson out on the track. this is…yay! when was the last time we got to see him workin’ it like the rent was due?

msj-works-it.jpg

he gives them criticism – some constructive, some just funny – as they walk alone and then with two other girls in a choreographed march-a-thon. natasha’s english as a second language is featured prominently throughout the episode (hey kids! it’s fun to mock foreigners! no, really.). my favorite is when ms. j asks her if she’s walking or marching and she thinks he says she looks like a martian, to which she responds, “i’m doing great!” renee calls jaslene “little miss cha cha,” which is funny and offensive. i pretty much just want to punch renee in her complaining(!), weepy, excuse filled face.

challenge. the “real world” education in high fashion continues as each model has to wear ill-fitting prom dresses as they walk the runway for high school students. oh and they have to incorporate the threesome choreography that they learned from ms. j earlier. the first dresses are modern, the second are from the ’80’s and the final are “ghetto fabulous.” those dresses from the 80’s look nothing like what i wore, by the way. sarah’s boobs come out of her ghetto fab dress and she keeps going like nothing happened, which makes sense to me from every other thing we’ve ever learned about the runway, but she gets dinged for it later because high school students do not need to see a flat chested model’s tatas. jaslene is braggadocios about her “signature walk” – do these girls learn nothing from those who have come before them? – and gets told that she did the worst. my favorite, dionne, looks gorgeous and does okay, but not great. natasha looks like she’s lost in a bread line or something. brittany gets into character and walks with attitude. she wins the prize…a trophy. she seems alright with it, but i’d be pissed. especially if there are prizes later in the cycle like massages or jewelry or dinner out or clothes or anything else that’s not lame. is she going to have to lug that thing out with the rest of her belongings when she gets cut?

at the house. poor jaslene cries to her mama and discovers that even she doesn’t want to hear it. reneee acts like a hardass in her leather jacket and smoking a ciggie (what would her son think?) scoffing at when all the girls hoped they’d have a friendly house and look how right she is now. except that isn’t most of the vitriol coming from her? well, her and felicia of the over-tweezed eyebrows. it’s all aimed at jaslene who doesn’t not deserve it. it’s the first altercation of the cycle, y’all! i want to come up with an antm drinking game. i’m thinking drinks for tears, girl on girl bitchery, use of the word “fierce,” over-dramatic entrances, cigarettes, food consumption, nudity, alcohol in excess, nonsensical ramblings, downright stupidity, tyra-isms, tyra showing before/after faces at panel, vagina arms…what else?

natasha reading tyra mail is painful. is it wrong of me to laugh at her tenuous grasp on the language of english? hey, who remembers all the different tyra-mails? have they always been themed? this cycle’s are autographed pictures. last cycle were magazine covers, i think. i can’t remember past that. there’s a good chance they were just, like, mail before they realized it was another opportunity to paste tyty in another place.

photo shoot. high school clichés. what’s the opposite of a class clown? that would be renee. in every way. she cries and complains(!) that she could have done better than any of the other girls with their clichés. she says that if she was pulled out of her comfort zone, then everyone else should have been. and while that isn’t untrue for jael as the nerd (wearing clothes i would totally wear – the socks! the sweater vest!), the other girls seem suitably challenged. like jaslene doing her best ally sheedy in the breakfast club (the flagship of high school stereotypes) or shy and quiet samantha as the class ho. but renee is a whiner and must be heard. natasha doesn’t understand what a teacher’s pet is and jay finally has to tell her to try to look like the pictures in magazines she’s seen. jay makes some awesome faces while he’s watching her. it is almost painful to watch, and very very funny. sarah is this cycle’s over-analyzer and is way more ho than flirt. cassandra is a boring cheerleader. i hate how they dress the plus size girls all matronly. i would have liked to have seen diana as the class ho. renee complains(!) about jael and sarah watching her shoot, but then hangs out to watch others. jaslene doesn’t need to watch the other girls because, “they’re gonna learn from me.” she’s annoying, but not wrong and jay loves her. dear jebus. renee. is. still. crying. or crying again. or about to cry. everything jay says to the models during the shoot are things that are helpful. wonder how long that will last?

judging. nigel’s wiki page say’s “noted fashion photographer.” that’s funny to me. ms. j and his ruffles…i have nothing to say except that i fear/hope they will swallow his big fat head at the end of the cycle. dionne looks amazing in person, but i agree with laura’s neck concern from last week’s photo and, sadly, this week’s too. she has a gorgeous neck. where does it go when the camera comes out? i also like brittney, but she’s got a weird face. the judges always say they like that gawky model look, but the poor “model pretties” never make it to the end. except for elyse from cycle1 who made it to the final 3. she’s my favorite of all the seasons.

elyse.jpg

felicia looks awesome. her eyebrows are skeery.  jael has a good picture. jaslene’s picture is really good, but i’m not sure if i can get past the superhero squarishness (read: tranny) of her chin. i can’t decide if she annoys or entertains me. “not only do i want this, but i desire it.” well said cha cha. for now, i’m going with entertains. an observation about whitney’s eyebrows. it seems that the left one is permanently raised. sorry laura, renee sucks. natasha is told she’s worse than anne (banana!) and turns it around to be a compliment. twiggy says sarah is birdlike. tyra does not like that felicia thinks they look alike, but loves her picture (“you won girl, but you don’t look like me.”). jaslene is called first again. the bottom two? samantha and natasha. because there’s no way that they would lose the hilarity value of the broken english this early, natasha gets to stay. tyra tells her that the judges see beauty on her inside, “and that’s what i love about this competition. it’s not just about pretty or a pretty picture. it’s about more than that.” whatever show she’s talking about, i wouldn’t watch. bye bye samantha.

but enough of that stuff. the single most important thing from this episode?

tyra: “most modeling is kind of acting like a ho, but making it fashion. ho. fashion. ho. fashion.”

i am so happy she cleared that up. next week: makeovers!

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4 responses to “she doesn’t just want it, she desires it

  1. lmb says:

    i know, renee totally sucks, but i can’t help but love to hate her. i think the twopper summed it up best–something to the effect that renee is the kind of bitch who isn’t afraid to be all-out bitchy. she’s the pot-stirrer of the bunch. and anyways, it’s nice to have a white bitch for a change. i can’t wait for panel to bring her to her knees. and speaking of her smoking, is it weird that she’s smoking having just given birth seven months ago? i mean, did she start up again as soon as she popped him out? did she secretly smoke through her pregnancy?

    i think felicia is a total tyra-lookalike! it kind of creeps me out. and i love that during felicia’s shot, i was thinking of the sporty cycle 1 shot, and then they showed it during judging! maybe it’s bad that i’m thinking like tyty, though. anyways, it was one of the few times that antm is even acknowledging cycle 1. has anybody come up with a definitive answer for why it’s always ignored? because it’s weird, no? was adrienne just that much of a disappointment?

    elyse was my all-time favorite, too. for shore.

  2. lmb says:

    also? WHY does tyra persist in wearing do rags? WHY!?!?!

  3. Caw says:

    Samantha had the nicest eyebrows I’ve seen in a while. She’s so pretty — I was disappointed to see her go.

  4. Chauncey Chaunce & LaLa says:

    Felicia had some nice eyebrows pimpin.I don’t know wut u talkin about so….shoommmmm

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