without a definite route

antm: jacked up and busted

on April 23, 2007

there is something about this cycle that i just don’t care about. or…it’s like i care when it’s on, but i’m not really thinking about it that much in between. it’s not up to my usual obsession level where i want to talk about it with other viewers, which isn’t a terrible thing unless, like me, you’ve kind of committed to writing something about it on a regular basis. times like these it’s nice to only have 3 readers.

it seems that i am 4 whole weeks behind. yikes. some of that is due to my lack of caring about any of these girls; some of it is due to actual honest to goodness business; some is due to the unplanned trip to sodak; most of it is due to my desire to snooze every time i think about this cycle. bare with me as i catch myself up

flashback 4 weeks ago: 

remember the glimpse into natasha’s relationship with her hubby, which apparently includes purring? we now know that she has a baby, but i can’t be the only one who thought maybe it was a puppy. it didn’t help my confusion that i felt the need to stick my fingers in my ears during the phone sex. she was all, “do you remember me? do you remember everything?” i don’t even know what that means, really. actually, her hubby, stuart, sounded pretty nice and not like a mail-order-bride-purchasing-pervert-fogey at all.

it already seems so long ago, the historical inclusion of 2 plus sized models. TWO! tyra said that it had been a dream to have TWO! and now her dream has been fulfilled. and i really felt the power of that moment in time in pop culture. i heard dr. martin luther king, jr. in the background with the rise of patriotic music. i felt the fat and skinny women of the world unite, “today we are all plus sized models.” they said hand in hand. fried chicken leg and bon bons in mouth.

anyway (wiping a tear from my eye), 4 weeks ago renee asked whitney whether or not the industry would ever put a plus sized model on the cover of vogue and renee isn’t a nice person, but in this instance i felt like she was just asking an honest question. was it mean just because it came out of renee? who, meanwhile, was not getting any nicer, contrary to her leaf turning proclamations from the week before. i have to admit i’m pretty sure this is when i started to love-to-hate her. i can’t be sure.

my favorite, of course, continued to be dionne, who sums up the show week after week. she said, “i was shocked as hay-ell.” and then, “oh snap. we looked jacked up and busted.” and my heart just melted for her.

this is when a lot of people on the internets fell in love with natasha. i can’t love her because you can actually hear the gerbil running on the treadmill inside her head. i’m suspicious that perhaps her stupidity isn’t entirely real? maybe she’s actually the smartest one and stepping up her game and listening to the judges.

for the challenge, we met twin model brothers from the house of sears (for real?): zarien squared. yeep. these guys definitely photograph cuter than they are in life. but twins are creepy. the girls had to put a window display together. since when is this america’s next top art director or window putter togethererer?  anyway they had to put outfits and a little scene together using the “hottest trends from sears.” sarah won, even though dionne picked out the clothes and renee picked the accessories. sarah should have given props to her team. i don’t think they would have counted that off for her. sarah had been under the radar so far at that point so i felt like they were prepping us for her imminent ouster. i wanted to like her, silly quirks and all.

for the photoshoot, they are made into men and posed with drag queens. who comes up with this shit? brittany is fun. jaslene looks pretty good. i don’t understand the “too posey” criticism to sarah. like, aren’t they all posing? not only does jael claim to be a “hot dude,” but she said that she, “…allowed my soul to be captured. turned myself inside out.” i don’t like renee‘s picture.  natasha actually got applauded after her shoot. dionne looks like chris rock. jay asked diana why she wants to be america’s next top model and her answer was, “just ‘cuz.” which is when i knew she was oh-you-tee out. whitney claimed that everyone is trying to illegitimize her and diana’s chances at being real models. now, i’m sure illegitimize is a real word and all, but it felt made up when i heard it. that’s either a comment on me or whitney. i don’t know. either way, save the 50cent words for your fancy college, girlie.

once again, great helpful comments from mr. jay. i officially like the oompa loompa!

for panel, tyra had sleek hair and still sported a scarfy headband. good gravy what was she wearing? a grey jumper? a sassy grey wool jumper. a fierce jumper? she looked downright matronly. some classic comedy about the girls learning to be men from miss jay (really?!) and the drag queens learning to be women from trya. this comparison doesn’t work, but it made me laugh and laugh. twiggy, getting meaner every week, called diana boring and bland. i like evil twigster.

down to whitney and diana. diana must go.the fatties are ununited. and illegimited. 


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