without a definite route

antm: wholahay!

on April 25, 2007

i am still in the running to catch my ass up with america’s next top model. 

wholahay! wholahay! that’s totally my new exclamation for kick ass excitement. “i just got my tax check. wholahay!” “do i want mexican for dinner? wholahay!” “g.j. wants to take emmit for a whole weekend? wholahay!” i think y’all get the drift. 

flashback 3-weeks ago:

the girls meet up with twiggy (rocking the tie look) and melrose to talk about how a cool name can help in the modeling industry. the girls must come up with a new name both fierce and fabulous. dionne? picks wholahay! and my love for her grows and grows. if i haven’t made it abundantly clear so far, i want her to win. i also like brittany, but i will cry and tear my hair out if wholahay doesn’t win it all. melrose’s response to the brilliance that is wholahay is to call it a conversation starter. if a conversation can start with “what did that crazy bitch say her name was?” jael and jaslene keep their names, which seems pretty wise on their parts. natasha is nata. sarah picks moe, which is her middle name or something. brittany gets creative and goes with brit. renee chooses nayien and whitney, inspired by melrose, went with whitelle, which sounds like a brand of toilet paper.

with their new names, they go to a party to hob nob with celebrities and tyra’s manager, benny medina. he is the cutest little thing. i’d like to just fold him up and put him in my pocket. the challenge is to try to make a good impression. wholahay cries when she mentions her daughter. i was all like, “her what?” and “her who?” so that’s 2 surprise kids (including natasha’s) versus using your kid to garner sympathy (i’m looking at you, renee).

at the party, jael annoys 50cent to the point that he pushes her in the pool. and here’s where i have a problem. like, is it really okay for a man to push a woman? even if she’s being really annoying – boy howdy, which she really was – i was not comfortable with the violence. it was all, like, oh you shouldn’t have pestered 50cent, when maybe…oh i don’t know, maybe fitty should have removed himself from the situation, maybe to attend some anger management class or soemthing. it’s all so stupid. you could argue that he just pushed her into a pool so no harm, but it felt violent to me. benny medina (cute!) was not impressed with jael or natasha, who jumped into the pool after her for some reason that was never clarified. but in the end, jael was called 1st so, apparently, her bad behaviour didn’t count against her. whatever. i think it could be a topic for tyra’s talk show: When Women Really Deserve It. or how about: Don’t Smack that Bitch: Just Push Her in a Pool. i’ll keep working on finding a catchiertitle. meanwhile, nicole richie stirs stuff up between renee and jael in a kind of fun evil puppet master kind of way. sheasks renee who she doesn’t like and then reports to jael what renee said. just for fun. i’m not saying i’ll watch the simple life or anything, but that cracked me up.

in other news, wholahay wins the challenge and gets a keds ad. tyra comes to the house for one of her patented Come to Mama talks where everyone gangs up on renee. awesome. but there is true healing in a tyra heart-to-heart and renee vows to change. she’s running out of leaves. she writes a letter to jael and says that she needs to be a more sensitive person. but what fun is that? think of the little people, renee, before you get nice. stick to drawing jael in a straight-jacket. oh please. for the people. wholahay says that she won’t give her another chance. and whatever wholahay says goes. i really wish i could stop saying, singing, chanting, writing wholahay, but i can’t. it’s like a sickness. brittany finally gets a weavectomy. thank sweet jebus for that, i was worried about animal cruelty for that thing on top of her head.

the photoshoot is kind of interesting. the girls have to show 4-sides of thier personalities and do thier own styling (or rather, plan thier own stying and tell the stylists what they want instead of mr. jay planning it…something like that). renee is boring. jaslene chooses drag queen which made me laugh. also? her pictures are all the same. sarah, to me, doesn’t suck, but they’ve got it out for her for being too posey so whatever. whitney = beautiful and boring and for the love of god lower that eyebrow. it’s really bugging me. jael is not surprizingly really good. they end up loving renee, but i felt like she was posey. her “sorrow” looks more like “headache” to me. brittany rocks. and wholahay?although her “sensitive” also looks “headachey,” she can do no wrong as far as i’m concerned. this got me thinking, what would my 4-sides be? goofy…frantic…eviljaq…drag queen (i wish!)…sleepy…dopey…doc…hungry…chatty. what oh what would i chose? oh and then i can pick emmit’s 4-sides: silly, smiley, whiny and giant. i want to know what y’all would pick for yourselves.

at panel, tyra continues to confuse me with headware; i continue to try to ignore miss jay and his ruffles and nigel is hot.

moe ( sarah) and whitelle (whitney) are in the bottom 2. and whitney’s got 9-lives or something because sarah gets the boot for being too posey, which, whatever. 5 more girls…


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