without a definite route


on March 24, 2008

anticipation is touching your belly, enchanted with tiny hiccups and kicks. it’s suffering with nausea, heartburn, bloody noses and constipation. it’s wasting hours reading lists of names. it’s crying over teevee commercials. it’s worrying and dreaming.

pregnancy is about hope. 

emmit so far has been a joint undertaking, but preparing for newbaby has led us into a different territory. as d-day approaches, josh takes over more and more (not that he wasn’t already the mayor of emmitville). our doctor said that more than one kid means moving from man-to-man to zone defense. that was almost too sporty of a reference for me, but i think i understand what she meant and it’s an odd thing to try to ready ourselves for. does it mean we notice less emmit’s every utterance and micro-expression? thinking about that feels not so great. but i’m also not willing for him to be an only child.

although i often feel guilty about the bomb that’s about to be dropped into emmit’s world, i know a sidekick is just what he needs…a robin to his batman; someone that can share the burden of josh and my bad parenting decisions; someone to create a history of inside jokes with; someone to annoy by looking at them funny; someone to be there when josh and i are gone. family.

jaq’s belly at 36 weeks
photo by aunt laura


4 responses to “surrender

  1. lmb says:

    You just made me sniffly and I’m not the one knocked up!

  2. clint says:

    No worries… I remember when we expected Emily. I could think of how I was going to love another child as much as I did Alec. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the concept until she was born, then it just happens. Yes you do miss a few of the moments that you would otherwise notice, but they are fulfilled by so much more. Watching them interact will more than fulfill any gaps. One more bit of advice if I may, do not try to figure out the quotent of the workload of one child then double it to come up with the workload for two. There is a hidden exponent that no one can explain. Your life goes from crazy to insane and it is worth every second. Grats and big hugs from the zoo.

  3. dumbtourist says:

    i’m just glad we don’t have to rename this blog silentjaq

  4. […] current book: Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way. Yes, seriously. I’m prepping for this. […]

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