without a definite route

10 for 10

on January 2, 2010

my last post – about resolutions – was all the way back in september. perhaps i should have started with one about writing more? why didn’t my september vow to make out loud resolutions throughout the year take? my birthday is in september, couldn’t that have been be a significant transitional time to start new things or to reapply to old things? for whatever reason, flipping into a new year feels more symbolic than a birthday. so here i am. again.

i tend to scoff outwardly at the concept of making resolutions, but in reality i am a resolution whore. i am constantly making promises to myself then renegotiating as time goes on. for someone who really doesn’t want to believe in it, renewal on demand sounds really nice to me.

my resolutions are kinda always the same thing. which says that i’m not really making any progress. i make the same promises every year with varying results, but never with any kind of lasting success that would allow me to make new new year’s resolutions. frankly, although my resolutions are important, they are too general. they are not getting done. yes, i still want to be more available to friends and family. yes, i still want to be thriftier. yes, i still want to exercise and eat better. yes, i absolutely need to make time for writing and photography and other creative endeavors. and yes, josh and i need to make our relationship a priority.

all admirable goals, right? but what do any of them even mean? the only new year’s resolution i ever actually successfully incorporated into my life was the year i promised to floss every night. i’ve decided if i really want to make changes, i need to get rid of the general overreaching promises and be more focused.  and, of course, i’d like to do this without being too hard on myself. aside from a little motivational kick in the pants, what good can beating myself up about FAILURE bring? sometimes there are things that put you right back where you started. it happens. deal with it. surrender. move on.

2009 was pretty overwhelming for me with emmit’s seizures in january and july and the discovery of his brain malformation. coming to terms with having a special needs child pretty much dictated the tone of the year. not exactly in a bad way, just away from doing things for myself. learning about emmit’s diagnosis and accepting things beyond my control became the priority verses making the effort to excercise or not eat the queso or to write or take myself on photography dates. and i am certain that my focus was right where it needed to be. but maybe now could be the time to pull back from emmit and jasper to look at myself.

yeah, so here are 10 specific resolutions for 2010…

  1. return to the monday night yoga class i quit 4 years ago because of childcare issues. although i have trouble with my inner quiet place and find myself thinking more about what i’m going to eat for dinner after class than my breath, i still get a lot out of the attempt.
  2. hello lady weight watchers, please help me with these last 6 pounds.
  3. schedule at least one date per month. with josh.
  4. have more sex. also with josh. working opposite schedules sucks.
  5. take pictures.
  6. learn photoshop.
  7. write letters.
  8. girls’ night can be outside of this house. hire a sitter every once in awhile.
  9. keep not spending money on stuff you don’t need. even if it is very very pretty.
  10. write for at least 1/2 hour after the kids go to bed.

the important thing for me in 2010 is to attack and achieve doable tasks that might be part of larger goals, but are not overwhelming on their own.

i would love to hear what other people are thinking and hoping for the new year. of course, i wish happiness and love for everyone. happy new year y’all!


One response to “10 for 10

  1. I have another one for you!
    11. Do the best I can every day and go to bed every night with thoughts of love and appreciation of myself. I am an amazing person and mother and damnit, people like me!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: