without a definite route

love the one you’re with

on February 17, 2012

i wrote this a year ago, but never published it for some reason. it is still true (and poopie is still crushing morale at the international headquarters of team chaos)…

emmit is not a normal boy. today it was a picture of a friend’s 5-year old in karate class that reminded me. last month it was a friend of josh’s asking if emmit has started any music lessons. those are things that “normal” 5-year olds do. those aren’t things that 5-year olds with dandy walker and autism do. at least not my 5-year old with dandy walker and autism. comparing emmit with other kids is automatic, i can’t stop myself, but it does no good. not one bit. nada.

it’s entirely too easy to get a little sad watching emmit develop more slowly than other kids, more slowly than his little sister. i get glimpses of who he isn’t daily. but wallowing isn’t an option. there are too many things to do. meals to prepare. songs to sing whilst tucking in. lunches to make. normal things. the store, work, school, laundry. plus the extra things like speech and occupational therapies, doctor appointments, insurance phone calls, anti-seizure meds twice a day. if i let myself sink into the pit of darkness, i’m not sure i’m coming out. and where is the fun in that?

so i shake myself, snap out of it. stop looking at emmit for who he isn’t. that just gets in the way of how proud of him i am for who he is. wallow or no wallow, he’s not going to be “normal.” besides, i love that stinkin’ boy. and who he is is who he is is who he is is who he is.

he’s quirky and adorably awkward. he thinks i’m way more interested in the political workings of the island of sodor than i actually am (i know! i know! henry pushed the freight cars, can we move on please?). he isn’t potty trained and, on top of that, he has some major poopie issues. i gotta be honest, that’s the big one that pulls me down. poop is a morale demolisher. and yet, he is sweet and silly and heartbreakingly gentle. he is pure unbridled love.

Love Emmit For Who He Is. strangely, it’s a lesson i have to relearn on a daily basis. he’s not “normal,” but who is? luckily, for every twinge of sadness for something he can’t do, there are so many more moments in which he shows me the wonder of the things he can do.


One response to “love the one you’re with

  1. Loni.Found.Herself says:

    Lovely post, Jaq.

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